When You Don’t Feel Like a “NICU Mom” Yet

If you’re in the NICU right now, there’s a good chance you’ve had this thought:

“I don’t feel like a mom yet.”

If that’s you, I want you to know something right away — this feeling is extremely common. Truly. I’ve heard it from so many parents over the years that it almost feels like a quiet NICU rite of passage no one warns you about.

Nothing about this environment feels like the version of parenthood you pictured. How could it? You’re learning your baby through monitors, numbers, and careful touches instead of snuggles and long sleepy feeds. You’re doing the best you can in a situation nobody prepares for.

And honestly? Feeling unsure doesn’t make you any less of a parent.

The NICU Doesn’t Follow the “Normal” Parenting Timeline

Most people imagine a clear beginning: your baby arrives and you instantly feel like their parent. But in the NICU, things unfold differently.

You might not get to hold your baby right away. You might meet them through a window in an isolette. You might spend the first hours memorizing monitor alarms instead of their face.

Of course it feels strange. Of course it feels delayed.

Your story is just starting in a different order — that’s all.

Bonding Is Usually Slow in the NICU — and That’s Normal

Some parents worry they’re supposed to feel a rush of connection right away. But in the NICU, bonding is more like tiny sparks over time.

You might feel it when your baby curls a finger around yours.
Or when you finally get to do kangaroo care.
Or when you catch yourself automatically reading their cues before checking the monitor.

These little moments matter. They add up. Most NICU parents bond gradually, not instantly.

There’s No “Behind” Here

NICU parents sometimes think they’re late to something — late to bonding, late to confidence, late to the feeling of “this is my baby.”

Please hear me: there is no behind in the NICU.

There is only today. There is only what’s possible right now. And that is enough.

You’re learning. You’re showing up. You’re caring for your baby in the ways you can. That’s parenthood.

A Small Practice That Helps

If you want something simple that can help you feel a bit more connected, try this:

Write down one sentence at the end of every visit.

Just one.

It could be:

• something you noticed

• something that surprised you

• something you want to remember

• something that felt hard

• something that gave you hope

You don’t need paragraphs or pressure — just one honest line. Over time, these tiny notes become a quiet record of your journey together.

You’re Already a NICU Parent

Even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.
Even if everything still feels upside down.
Even if the emotions haven’t caught up with the reality.

You’re here. You’re learning. You’re caring for your baby in a place that asks so much of you.

That is parenthood.

And you’re doing better than you think.